No Sales, Returns & Refunds

Short version: there is nothing to return and nothing to refund, because this site sells nothing. The longer version, for completeness:

The site sells nothing

Download More Coffee is a free parody website. It does not sell coffee, subscriptions, downloads, merchandise, or anything else. The “download” is a joke with a progress bar. No coffee is transmitted, licensed, or delivered.

We collect no payments

The site has no checkout, no shopping cart, no payment processor, and no way to take your money. We do not collect or store payment information of any kind. There are no accounts and nothing to subscribe to.

Affiliate links are inactive

Shopping links on the site — including recommendations in the quiz — are currently untagged: no affiliate tag is active, and we earn nothing from them. Even if tagged links are enabled in the future, a commission would come from the retailer’s marketing budget, never from an extra charge to you.

So: no returns, refunds, or warranty from us

Because nothing is sold or supplied by this site, there is no purchase for us to return, refund, exchange, or warrant, and no return window applies. Any “warranty” implied by the joke (“satisfaction guaranteed or your bandwidth back”) is part of the comedy, not a contractual offer.

Purchases from third-party retailers

If you click a link and buy coffee (or anything else) from a retailer such as Amazon or a roaster, that purchase is between you and them. Returns, refunds, shipping, and warranties for those purchases are governed entirely by that retailer’s own policies — contact the retailer you bought from.

Think this site charged you? Step by step

It can’t have — there is no payment mechanism. But if a charge on your statement appears connected to this site, here’s what to do:

1. Check the exact merchant name on the statement — it will be a retailer or payment platform, not this site.
2. Contact that merchant or your card issuer about the charge.
3. If you still believe the charge relates to us, message us via the contact form with the date and amount (never your full card number).
4. We’ll investigate and confirm, in writing, that no payment system on our side took the charge, and help point you to the right place.

We aim to respond to any such message within 5 business days.

Changes to this policy

If we ever start selling anything, this page will be rewritten before any sale is possible. Any other material change to this policy will be announced on this page before it takes effect, with the effective date updated. Non-material edits (clarity, typos) may be made without notice.

Related policies

The rules of the road: Terms of use. What little data we touch: Privacy & affiliate disclosure.